When Shame Is No Longer Your Name
Image credit: Caleb Woods, unsplash.com
Most people feel a bit “naked” when they realize their Enneagram number.
As a 3 wing-2 (Achiever, Helper) I read the description and felt super exposed.
I found myself wishing God wired me with a different orientation.
Then I comforted myself once I saw that I was only reading the “unhealthy” version of my personality profile...LOL.
Regardless, it’s true that Enneagram 3s love to build things, move projects forward, look good in the process.
Unhealthy or unaware 3s often have little time for emotional inventory.
Being image conscious is okay if you want to shine for the right reasons, but an over focus on how you are viewed has several pitfalls.
Wanting to portray an inspiring image can be problematic when you will inevitably make mistakes, like the rest of mankind, but are paralyzed by fear to admit them.
I’m no Enneagram expert, but I’ve come to find out that only as I’ve become healthier have I allowed myself to be more human.
Anyone who makes a mistake can wrestle the desire to hide that shortcoming or at least remedy it before it can be seen by others.
Image credit: New Life Publishing
Why is this?
One word.
The culprit is SHAME.
I’m not saying everyone should know your business.
It’s become almost vogue to flaunt our dirty laundry in public under the banner of “gotta keep it real”.
Yet, authenticity does create profound authority in the message of your life and can actually protect your long-term integrity.
“Vulnerability is one of the most invaluable relational currencies.” -JOSHUA FINLEY
There is a time and a place to confess your failures...spouse, close friend, small group, trusted counselor, etc.
I am saying that the fear of people knowing your errors can cause you to dangerously bury them in shame.
Over the years I have certainly allowed shame to lie to me way too often.
“In the name of ‘dignity’, I wonder how many of us have prolonged our deliverance?”
-JOSHUA FINLEY
I think it’s one of the reasons it took me so long to be willing to release my upcoming book, OVERCOME. (Releasing June 1 on Amazon)
Image credit: Chelseaphillips.co
The truth is that this manuscript was ready to be published 2 years ago. But I’m convinced this is actually the perfect time to share this message.
Rather than impress you, my prayer is that the personal stories and the timeless principles will impact you.
“Shame doesn’t just want to remind you of WHAT you’ve done, it wants to reshape how you think about WHO you are. Guilt deals with activity. Shame revolves around identity.” -JOSHUA FINLEY
Growing up, authority figures who meant well and wanted to change our behavior would sometimes say, “Shame ON you!”
They genuinely wanted us to be aware of our harmful behaviors and change.
The only problem is that shame has never had the power to change someone.
Grace does.
Jesus does.
I am incapable of changing my heart without His transforming truth, guidance and loving friendship.
Thankfully, grace is stronger than sin.
I hope this excerpt from Chapter Five entitled, “Shame OFF you!” is personally helpful wherever you are as you read this.
WHEN SHAME IS NO LONGER YOUR NAME
“The ghosts of all the people you used to be are proud of who you’ve become and thank you for letting them go. All those former versions of you would like to thank you for not mistaking them as the final you. They don’t miss you, need to hear from you, nor do they want you to visit or go back for a vacation...It’s all good.” -PAUL SCANLON
David had just become king.
In the wake of King Saul and Jonathan’s death, David wanted to honor someone from their household.
Enter Mephibosheth.
This man is originally introduced, not by his name, but by his issue.
“He is crippled in both feet.”
What a terrible way to live; having your issue be your introduction.
You enter a room and immediately imagine what people must be thinking.
You begin a conversation with someone and your own thoughts condemn you.
You know what you’ve done.
You know what’s been done to you.
Mephibosheth was just five years old when the tragic report came in that King Saul and his son, Jonathan, had died on the battlefield. In fear, his nurse picked him up and began to run.
As she fled, however, she tripped and dropped the young boy.
That fall not only injured Mephibosheth’s feet forever, but it also impaired his identity.
For Jonathan, King Saul’s son and David’s best friend, was Mephibosheth’s father.
On that one defining day, Mephibosheth lost both his father and his future.
What’s even worse is that shame was pronounced over him every time his name was uttered. Mephibo in the Hebrew language means “out of my mouth,” and sheth means “shame or embarrassment.”
Every time his name was mentioned, by himself or others, Mephibosheth was showered with shame and reminded of his victimhood.
But then grace entered his story.
And grace, my friend, is always more powerful than shame.
King David invited Mephibosheth to come and eat at his table.
David wanted to honor someone who would have easily been overlooked and most certainly mistreated. The word honor means “to value.” David wanted to value someone whom others would have been quick to dismiss and despise.
“Honor is when you can celebrate who a person is without stumbling over who they are not.” -BILL JOHNSON
Mephibosheth no doubt entered the king’s glorious hall with great fear.
He likely would have hung his head low to avoid eye contact.
He referred to himself before the king as a worthless “dead dog.” His self-image was swallowed up by shame.
His grandfather, the previous king, had betrayed King David.
His father was dead. He was a “worthless” cripple.
Mephibosheth was not only a cripple, he was a victim.
His injury was caused by someone else’s error.
The longer a person allows shame to define them, the more likely they are to allow the identity of a powerless victim to enslave them also.
What use was Mephibosheth to the king now?
Why would David choose to show favor to him, let alone have him dine at his own table?
David’s gesture is an unexpected and beautiful picture of New Testament grace hidden within an Old Testament story.
Mephibosheth would have been carried into the palace due to his disability. Every time he sat at the king’s table, however, his crippled feet were out of sight and covered.
Completely covered.
He sat as a son.
He sat as one of the king’s own children and heirs would do.
Mephibosheth dined there regularly for the rest of his life, his disability and shame swallowed up by the generous invitation of the king.
Being carried to the table is another prophetic picture of grace that is extended to all mankind through the cross of Christ.
Who do you know that could ever earn, by their own merit, a place at King Jesus’ table?
Yet, when we take our rightful place, our shame, our “issues,” our previous identity and poor self-image are all covered over by grace.
We become children, not just of a king, but of the King of Kings.
None of this is by our own effort.
This invitation and new identity is a result of Jesus’ extravagant grace.
Shame is no longer our name.
Victimhood is no longer our story.
“Thankfully, we never have to take an old mindset into a new season.”
-JOSHUA FINLEY
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